Washington, July 24: The Trump Administration claims that President Obama “had a time machine, developed by a super-secret government agency, just so he could go back in time and pre-emptively mess up all of President Trump’s best-laid plans to make America great again.”
This claim was made by White House spokesperson Sarah Huckabee Sanders in response to a question from a reporter, in a closed briefing where no cameras, recorders, notebooks or writing implements were allowed. The reporter quoted the puzzling opening to a recent speech by Trump – “For the past 17 years, Obamacare has wreaked havoc on the lives of innocent, hardworking Americans” – and noted that this was not the first glaring anachronism in a Trump speech. “At a rally in Florida last August, he called President Obama ‘the founder of ISIS’ and Hillary Clinton ‘its co-founder’. And then, in a debate the next month, he said Secretary Clinton had been ‘fighting ISIS her whole adult life.’ Even if one of these were true, how could they both be?”
Sanders replied with her startling statement about the time machine. “So you see,” she concluded, “this is why everything that ever goes wrong in this country, no matter how recent or how far in the past, is automatically Obama’s fault. Even Michelle used it, to plagiarize Melania’s convention speech.”
Asked why Obama, if he had such technology at his disposal, didn’t use it to secure a victory for Clinton in the 2016 election, Sanders replied: “He tried. He went back in time and registered millions of voters illegally, but it wasn’t enough to stop President Trump from winning the greatest Electoral College landslide in all history.”
Asked to cite her sources, Sanders referred to an exclusive interview that a former government employee supposedly granted, on condition of strict anonymity, to Alex Jones of InfoWars.
Trump supporters across the nation took this revelation in stride. “It don’t surprise me one little bit,” said one Trump voter in Roberts County, Texas. “I always knew Obama forged his own birth certificate. Now I know how.”