Following the lead of EPA administrator Scott Pruitt, who recently dismissed several scientists on the EPA’s Scientific Advisory Board and proposed replacing them with representatives from industries whose pollution the EPA is supposed to monitor, the Justice Department has announced a plan to replace several senior lawyers with representatives from major crime syndicates and drug cartels.
“[Attorney General Jeff] Sessions thinks Pruitt had it exactly right,” said a Justice Department spokesperson. “An investigative body should contain representatives from the community being investigated. Otherwise, there’s a clear conflict of interest.”
The communities in question welcomed the announcement enthusiastically. The head of one of New York’s main organized crime families commented, “This is an offer we can’t refuse.” A spokesman for the Zetas drug cartel, known only as “El Rabioso,” had words of high praise for the President: “Trump is a gran hombre.”