Online retailer eBay took the White House china collection off its auction site last week, prompting a furious response from President Trump.

A representative from eBay claimed the company had no idea that the pieces put up for auction on its site were authentic. “But then we got a call from the White House curator, demanding to know if we were really trying to sell solferino plates from the Lincoln service.” Further inquiry revealed that the plates had been put up for sale by President Trump himself. The curator commented: “Thank heavens I caught him before he could put his name on them! That would have rendered them completely worthless.”

Citing a law that requires White House china to be kept until unusable, and then destroyed, the curator insisted that eBay take the collection off its site, to the great annoyance of the President. “He was really mad,” says a White House staffer, “even though we tried to calm him down by telling him he could take any plates that were too badly chipped and throw them at a picture of Alec Baldwin.”

“So unfair!” the President tweeted. “What’s the use of being the First Family if you can’t make a profit from it? First Nordstrom drops Ivanka’s line, then Sears and Kmart stop selling my home products, and now this. What’s the big deal? If I can sell seats on my Cabinet, why not plates out of my cabinet?”

White House sources allege that after selling the china collection, President Trump had next been planning to auction off the paintings in the National Portrait Gallery, and finally the manuscripts in the National Archives. “I mean, who wouldn’t want to own the original Declaration of Independence?” he is reported as saying. “And it’s always been a dream of mine to sell the Constitution to the highest bidder.”